Howies Office Rules
It should come as no surprise that at Howies HQ, we play as hard as we work. We're all about serving our customers to the best of our ability and having a good time while doing it. Although we keep the office environment pretty relaxed, we do have a set of rules to follow. You'd think most of these would be common sense, but hey, our team would surprise you.
When unintentional outfit-coordination (constituted by matching styles, colors, or exact outfits) occurs in the office, a photo of the two offenders will be taken side-by-side and posted on social media. The offsetting outfits will be served for the entirety of the workday. The "twinning" co-workers shall not leave the premises during a lunch break or take part in an outfit change (except in the case of a gym break, in which gym attire will be allowed for the duration of the workout only).
Icing occurs when one or multiple co-workers steal, double up on, hide, or eat dozens of assorted donuts or pastries that were brought into the office for communal enjoyment. A major penalty to the co-worker that takes the final donut or pastry in the box (thus leaving morsels of icing on the surface of the box furth antagonizing those who did not get a chance to indulge in the communal treats).
One's collection of ballpoint or ink pens may be changed or added to at any time during office hours from the office supplies shelf. However, any pens that are collected illegally by means of theft from a co-worker's existing collection or outside of office hours will be assessed a minor infraction. Penalty entails the returning of stolen pens and a written apology.
Bore-ding is the action in which a co-worker or manager bores, exhausts, fatigues, or annoys everyone in a meeting causing him or her to snooze, snore, or drool. This includes: delivering a PowerPoint presentation that exceeds thirty slides and/or does not include any images, gathering people for a meeting that could have been resolved by an email, and prolonging a meeting unnecessarily and excessively with no regard for other people's schedules.
A meal misconduct penalty is assessed when a co-worker microwaves a Tupperware with week-old leftovers, a plate of sauerkraut, or any meal of equivalent rancidness. In the event of this misconduct, the guilty party shall be banished from the break room and serve a 48-hour ban from the microwave itself.
Any co-worker or manager shall not be allowed to close their forms of communication for an extended period of time except in cases of paid vacation days, sick leave, or emergencies. Any co-worker or manager caught in the act of exercising the act of (or physically saying out loud) "hard pass" to a work-related email or phone call will be forced to facilitate an all-company email for the next social gathering and field all phone calls, emails, and inquiries about the event via their personal cell phone and personal email address.
A major penalty shall be assessed for a high level of stinking in the office. A major high stinking will be assessed to any worker that violates at least (2) of the following offenses - a linger coffee breath with no chewing gum to combat it, failure to apply deodorant or cologne, failure to shower the morning of (or night before) the workday, or brings a raw egg and sardine-based breakfast smoothie to work.